Sometimes it’s good to look through the available jobs on Craigslist just to gain a new appreciation for how much your current job doesn’t suck. Other times, it’s just really entertaining. Here are a few snippets from the best jobs Craigslist has to offer:
1. Cat Circus Looking for a Tour Assistant
Has your dream always been to run away with a cat circus? Then here’s the job for you! Samantha Martin and the Acro-Cats are looking for a tour assistant to travel cross-country with a troupe of trained cats (plus a groundhog, a chicken and a few rats) as they purr-form at venues in cities across the United States. [Read more]
2. Seeking Adult Drunk Clown for 30th Birthday party
We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a shit load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavily. He doesn’t even need to socialize with anyone, just drink. [Read more]
3. LOOKING FOR PHYSICALLY FIT MALES TO ACT AS DBZ WAITERS AT MY PARTY
I am having a going away party because I am leaving to study abroad in Japan for one year. I wanted to go out with a bang, and am trying to put together a ridiculous and fun engagement.
I need someone who is MUSCULAR, and is willing to dress in Dragon Ball Z attire for 2-3 hours holding trays of appetizers. Trays shall be held as if you were going to release a massive power attack (see attachment for example). [Read more]
4. Actor needed for emotional role – One day high pay
My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and become overwhelming for me. I am a single father raising two young children. I cannot face telling the kids that the dog must go. I have found a good home for the dog, and just need someone to transport the dog, and play the villain. [Read more]
5. Seeking a Meowgician
It’s Ambrosia’s tenth birthday on April 20th and we’re looking for a meowgician to purrrform. Do you gatos what it takes? This is fur real. Serious inquiries only.
6. Mini-Marshmallow Hand-Feeder — Opportunities For Advancement
Do you enjoy marshmallows and can handle very small amounts of human saliva? Do you take joy in making people happy? Are you flexible with your terms of employment? Are you open-minded, clean, honest, and a hard worker? Do you like dancing to techno music in your Hello Kitty pajamas? [Read more]
7. Idiot Needed to beat Vanilla Dome in Super Mario World – SNES
Help plz. I can’t beat the Vanilla Dome in Super Mario World for SNES. I’ve tried 476 times. I officially have “the fear.” Need a random idiot to come over and do it for me. The wizards are driving me insane. I’ve almost lost it completely.
Will provide whiskey and donuts. Plz help me.
8. Wanted: Taxidermist who watches a lot of Kung Fu
I am looking to hire someone with the means to obtain and stuff animals in fashions I choose, which will be Kung Fu for now. When I was younger I convinced a friend of mines dad to create two squirrels Kung Fu fighting. I still think about it from time to time and have decided to get my own Kung Fu animals, I understand this is a bizarre request. [Read more]
9. Making dirty movies for the county
Interested in work in the vast sewer industry here in Atlanta then you just got the lottery, I’m hiring helpers to do video inspections with sonar in large diameter sewer, will train and certify in confined space. Look at it this way everybody’s got to eat, sleep, sh!t and die so there will always be a need for this type of work. If interested email resume
10. Preds Catfish Thrower Needed (Will Pay)
Wanted: Catfish Thrower for 5/16 or 5/18 Preds Home Game
Background: I unwisely bet against my wise colleagues that if the Preds made it to the 3rd round, I would throw a catfish on the ice. However, when the time came to become an immortal, I backed down and realized I was deathly allergic to catfish – unwilling to make good on the bet and grab the brass ring of celebrity. I was offered a choice: catfish tramp stamp, or hire a catfish thrower. I chose the latter. [Read more]